So I had an interesting conversation tonight with a married friend who is in a spiritual rough spot.
A: My wife has said she wants to become Wiccan. Making an altar, book of Shadows, and She said that the religion thing makes her anxiety and depression worse. I try to be supportive but I feel betrayed. Because we had the same beliefs before we were married and we had goals that were a part of that shared belief. But now she doesn’t have the same beliefs. I feel like she’s giving up on us.
D: Let me ask you this. How serious are you about your marriage, about making it work with her, not just for your kids, etc. But really make it work, because you made a vow of it… or are you still searching for some kind of peace outside of the marriage?
A: I honestly don’t know. Sometimes I think I really want it to work but I don’t know if it’s just fear of the whole divorce process and how tough that’s going to be. Other times I think of all the mental and physical stress I have been through being married to her and I just want to say screw it.
D: Okay. Then here’s my advice. Be quiet. And when I say be quiet, I mean really be still. Let God work on her. You keep praying but don’t make it a mockery of her journey. Don’t rub it in her face. I’m not saying you would, I’m raising a caution flag.
Be open. Be open in your mind and your heart to her exploring this for herself. Your job as husband is to be her rock, and foundation. You will find that many beliefs primarily thought to be Christian actually have pagan roots, and have been adapted. Your mind will be harder than your heart, bc you’ve been raised to think a specific way. The heart is much more easily adaptable. It just wants to love, to fill and be filled.
If your kids ask about it, explain to them the simple truth, that mommy is exploring her heart and finding a truth of her own. Don’t say anything negative about how it is against the church, but remind them that your job as a family is to love and stick together no matter if it’s difficult or different.
Let YOUR faith be solid, and let that show through every action and word. This is also a test for you.
You are being put in God’s place for a moment. To watch someone you love seem to turn a blind eye to what you’ve always thought was set in stone. That’s exactly what God does daily. He watches us turn to false prophets, to stumble about blindly as we try to find the path we’re meant to walk.
And yet he still loves us. As much as he did in the beginning. It doesn’t diminish, doesn’t fade. It remains. He waits, and is patient, knowing that the universe will unfold exactly as it should.
It’s a choice to make every single day. To say when you first wake, “I will still be here, and will make a conscious choice to love, actively, especially when it’s hard.” Because that’s when it’s needed the most..when it seems the hardest.
A: Wow. I am a little surprised. I thought with that disclaimer you gave about not being Christian that you advice was going to go in a different direction. But you are sharing some real words of wisdom.
D: Lol I said not the way you think of Christianity.
A: Lol. You did say that too.
D: Religiosity has it so complicated sometimes. God is simply the center of everything inside and around us. There’s no ladder, no pyramid, nothing for us to climb. There is only “Be still, and know that I am God.”
This is how I can accept everyone, gay, straight, transgender, doesn’t matter. I let God handle his business.The Bible was written by fallible men, and they put their own interpretation of Christ’s words according to the times in which they lived. This is why I take anything but direct gospels with a grain of salt. We aren’t called to be “prayer warriors”. We’re called to be mustard seeds.
A: Why mustard seeds?
D: That’s what is in the bible. Even so small a thing as a seemingly insignificant mustard seed can grow into something far larger. We live out the example of what we believe, and trust that God will handle the rest. That, to me, is where faith comes in.
So you can be at peace in yourself, and let God work on your wife. Someone told me years ago something that stuck with me. I had grown up thinking to be Christian I had to just accept without question, whatever the church said. But I’m always learning, always curious, always the “why” girl. This man, David, said “God gave you that brain for a reason. It’s okay to ask questions, as long as you can wait for the answer.”
A: That makes perfect sense. It has helped a lot. She even massed texted my family and told them about her becoming a wiccan and not one of them called me.
D: Seems to me she wants acceptance.
A: That she does.
D: Then try to be that for her. Let her do this for herself, and if you can get over your mind throwing up roadblocks, let yourself be curious as well. It won’t damage your faith, and I’ll wager that it will help harmonize things at home.